That She Was Far More Likely To Get Me Into Trouble Than Anything Else...

Glad to find your website.I believe my mother was depressed all my life - the story is familiar to a few here. i knew all my life I could not trust her, or rely on her to protect me - that she was far more likely to get me into trouble than anything else, and didn't care what lies she told about me to achieve that. She was abusive, manipulative. She beat me, called me names, locked me out of the house, wouldn't feed me adequately and made me hate myself completely. I've suffered from lack of self esteem , anxiety, depression but most of all I'm tired. Tired of having to be the strong one - I was the workhorse ,the one who coped, who tried to fix things and who was abused for bringing the fact there was a problem out in the open. I'm the mad one, the bad one, the stupid useless one, the one who lies and steals and cheats and...oh, anything else you like to name.

hello. i have read some of the stories of others. I guess mine is different in that I didn't know my mother was mentally ill. She was never sent to a mental hospital, but had OCD and is very controlling. The rules i grew up with were fear, fear and more fear. I was overprotected to the point that i started hating myself and thinking I did something wrong. That I was defective. I finally got help, but not before I almost had a nervous breakdown. I'm 49 years old. That was 2 years ago. I've never married. i'm trying to find a life without fear, to have fun and be happy. To have a chance at success. I've been through the rage and anger at not having married and had children. I never thought anyone would want me. I've been seeing a therapist and psychiarist for the past 2 years. I've come a long way. I live two states away from my parents in the U.S. about 500 miles. I can't live in the same city. They were still trying to control me at almost 47 and then some. my mom told me I would be grown up when I got married. I guess I'm trying to move forward with my life and find happiness. I've never really known what happines is. i've lived in fear so long that feeling good feels weird. I'm glad that you are trying to help children with mentally ill parents. I feel like if someone had stepped in years ago my life might have been different, but i know you can't stay stuck in the past. Thank you for allowing me to just state my story. I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, but i'm much better now. my brother I think has problems too. Well, I'd better end now.

Cindy

My Mother was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic right after I was born in the 60's. Not much support around at that time, and I grew up in a chaotic, volitile environment of neglect and deprivation. Low self-esteem, shame, unworthiness, anxiety, fear, and depression, are the demons of a legacy left for the children of the mentally ill. It takes a lifetime to undue them all. I'm not there yet.

Joy

Hi,

my name is Jan, I live in Canada, and I just recently came across your website- by accident actually. I grew up with a bi-polar mother, and am currently in counselling to try and work through the many "side-effects" of what my childhood has caused my mental health.