'I really just lacked a reference point as to how parents behave'

I realize that my mom has been ill all these years! She is 78 and was diagnosed with dementia and alzheimers 3 years ago. I began thinking that her earlier sympltoms could be important predecessors to her current diagnosis, when I came across this information.

I request more info about erratic behavior in parents. I suppose I really just lacked a reference point as to how parents behave. I have only one half sibling who was raised by mom, and he is 13 years my senior. He has cut off all contact with mom, or anyone who speaks with mom. He has expressed to me that he cannot deal with having abandoned me when he left for college (I was 5).

When our mom was finally diagnosed with delusional disorder a few years ago, I spoke with my brother and he said that mom came in nuts, she lived nuts and she will die nuts, and that he washes his hands of her.

Today I am hearing that mom may truly have been ill all these years! Prone to "fits" of violence marked with tremendous affection (seemed contrived). My children fear my mother...she has taken my youngest by the neck and screamed in her face "God Damn you to Hell" almost pushing her all the way down the stairs, all this because my daughter (then only 7 years old) wanted to go along with us in the car. My children have witnessed my mom making breakfast, when all of the sudden she through a cantaloupe melon to the floor.

I am realizing that my own childhood too, was a constant stream of her erratic behavior. All these years I have thought that I was somehow making this stuff up, or that I was the one who is ill. Mom used to say that I was schizophrenic...all throughout my adolescence. I have been in therapy for many years and have been assured that I am healthy...although I have trouble accepting this information. Any input/feedback is very much welcomed and appreciated!!!!