My mothers illness manifested itself before I was even aware that it existed. My main memories are of furious fights between my parents, my mother acting erractically and displaying odd behaviours and the inner desire I had to get away from my family and the longing to belong to someone else.

I was first aware of the effects of this on me at the age of 17. In a particular situation I found myself crying uncontrollably and resting in a foetal position on someones lap. It took a failed marriage to an extremely emotionally damaged man to drive me into therapy. After 15 years of therapies of many sorts I am at the point where I am more "normal" than I ever have been and am as close to being whole as I feel I will be. My legacy of my childhood are poor self esteem, feelings of unlovability, mistrust of women and difficulty making friends with women and a desperate need for my parents to acknowledge what happened to me and the effects I carry. I am angry with my parents for their denial, my mother for her selfishness that still exists from her depression and my father for still being the facilitator he was. I have made a successful 2nd marriage only with hard, hard work and I parent correctly because I have taught myself to. But like many others I lament the fact that back in the 70's no-one understood or offered assistance to the suffering children of a mentally ill parent and perhaps if they did, my life would have been different.

Helen