Tea for Two? Or Tragedy and Triumph in Adversity.

Hello I just wanted to let you know that this website is such a Godsend!

I was very discouraged find how incredibly rude some of the people on the American website are. Reading what others have posted on this website gives me great relief that I am not alone in how I feel. At the age of six was when I first realized that there was something very wrong with my mother and although she had never been violent with me, I have emotional scars I carry with me to this day. Recently I have tried to repair our relationship but this had completely backfired on me. She is on new meds but they are not helping her "paranoia" at all. I am heartbroken that she is too delusional to even see me in a positive light and still thinks of me as one of "them". On the flip side my father has improved greatly with Risperdal. While my mother has been schizophrenic before I was even born, my father had his first breakdown when I was in the 6th grade. He was a wonderful loving father who did not have the heart to leave my mom who had no way to support herself. When he started to talk obscenely under his breath and skip large amounts of work, I thought it was because my mother's bizarre behavior had finally got to him. It was when I was an adult when I realized that he suffered from schizophrenia as well. When my father had either his first or second breakdown resulting in hospitalization (one of which I was the one to try to admit my father when I was 11) to, my extended family made matters worse. Knowing that there was no sane adult to care for me, I asked my aunt if I could stay with her but her response was "no". So for the next three years I was forced to (I have no siblings) live with two parents with schizophrenia. My Grandmother later took me in when I was starting the tenth grade which was a slight improvement, because she was bitter and verbally abusive. Frankly, I am really tired of finding new ways their illness have affected me throughout my life and I wish my "discoveries" about my childhood would end so I can move on with my life, but it is really hard. I tried to talk to different shrinks but I have an innate ability to find really awful ones (one of which would show up late or not at all to our sessions), so if anyone knows a foolproof way to find a therapist, please let me know.

Beth in San Antonio, Texas