jewelss

I have a 2yo and a 5yo. My latest diagnosis is

This is a continuation of the forum which was previously hosted by boards2go

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This forum is managed by NNAAMI and is for discussing with others What its Really Like.
- Do not use any identification apart from your age,state or country.
- only use first name / user name, Remember dangerous people follow innocent young people using the internet.
- You can reply to others on this board and comment on others remarks.
- Please respect others feelings and views and support each other.

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Best wishes,
John
Forum Moderator.

Just a quick question if there are any watch loving dermatologists out there!!

My wife bought a Tag Monaco with the python strap wore it with no problems but once our daughter was born and she put the watch on within hours her wrist comes out in a burning rash. The watch went back to TAG and they supplied a new set of straps but the same thing happens. Now we are stuck with a watch that isn't faulty but cannot be worn for more than two hours at a time. My wife is obviously faulty!!

Anyone else out there had any allergic reactions of this type and or offer any answers, remedies, suggestions??

Thanks,

I have a 2yo and a 5yo. My latest diagnosis is "treatment resistant chronic major depression". I also have issues with chronic fatigue and anxiety. I have my children in daycare 5 days a week in spite of me not working as I just can't handle a full day of them. I am afraid I am doing permanent damage to them because of my illness and wouold like some feedback from people who have been there.

The main problem I have is with me being inconsistent. Sometimes I am able to interact with them and keep myself in check. Other times I am edgy and just can't be around them. I have lost my temper and exploded (verbally) on more than one ocassioon. I am afraid that never knowing whether or not it's safe to go near mom is setting them up for problems in the furture with relationships and such. I want them to be healthy mentally instead of being as screwed up as me.

I have considered moving away from my kids. In fact I have left a couple of times. Once for a 3 month stay in the hospital and once for 2 weeks just because I needed to. Both times I have "forgotten" how little I enjoy parenting or how poorly I handle them and react to things and both times I longed to come back thinking "now it will be different". It isn't that I don't love them, I do. I just wasn't cut out to be a mom I guess.

So my question is, what should I do. Should I leave permanently and sever all ties with them. Should I just leave and see them on ocassion? They are well cared for by their father, my husband. He's also at a complete loss as far as what we should do. My husband and I get along fine so it isn't a marital issue. I just need to know what kind of arrangemeent would be the healthiest for the kids. Hearing my 5yo reprimand my 2yo for crying because she's "gonna freak out mom" breaks my heart.

Any feedback, even harsh feedback is welcomed. Thanks for listening.

TDB

Cathy was one of many people over recent times who sent mail to me re this subject ( see her message below.)
Its a really an important topic to talk about Mental Illness in Ageing parents,
along with the effects of managing an ageing parent with mental illness and for people to support each other world wide in this area.
I can only say it is a timely subject as our populations are ageing it is becoming more a crucial area.
So we have developed this Forum to help us connect with and support each other through our network.
Please see the forum rules.
I am especially interested to know what people feel are the pressing issues, concerns and affects on them emotionally and how we cope or don't cope at times and are all really affected by a parents ageing and a parents mental illness.
Paul Mckillop
Convenor
WAYMI

Hi all,
Firstly I have read a lot of the posts on the WAYMI Forum and I feel your pain. I too suffered at the hands of a mentally ill parent. I also have suffered at the hands of a very disturbed sister also.
I an a mother of four and I am in my late thirties and have just been diagnosed with a mental illness . I have late onset Clythomia which luckily for me is a milder form of manic depression. I also have Adhd.I have two children with adhd and one child with Asperger's. So I say jokingly that the gene pool has not been kind.
My children are lucky in a sense that I had studied some psychology before I Had my first manic episode.Watching my family suffer as the result of mental illness naturally spurred my interst in the field. I now have accepted that I will never finish my degree and I am okay with that , My aim is to stay well enough to be able to
allow my children to be as emtionally healthy as they can possibly be.
I have read extensively on the impact of mental illness on a parent upon children.I am well aware that i need help and I am willing to maintain my professional help networks.
One thing I will share with you Please do not my views as gospel, I also do not condone in any way many of the parents behaviours described But i wish to share this in order to give some insight into the mentally ill parents world.I hope I can offer some insight and possibly give some hope, that ther may be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Acceptance for a mentally ill person is part of the way to getting well.Beleive me denial is a very protective defensive mechanism. Destructive behaviour is a another form of delaying the acceptance. Acceptance of an illness is a double edged sword for a mother to accept ,On one hand I knew My mind was racing at 100 miles an hour totally our of control, on the other hand you are faced with an overwhelming sense of guilt , shame and anger at your own plight.
I felt guilty because I knew I was could be placing my children under pressures asociated with the practicalites of dysfucntion eg not being able to keep house etc, financial worries lost income whilst trying to get better.
I was also angry, angry that I will never be able to live a normal life. I was angry that I will never be able to break the cycle of mental illness . I was angry that my normality was taking away by a genetic factor that was beyond my control. Angry because my husband was unable to understand my illness, I cannot simply just get some pills to make it better. Angry that I knew I would have to hide my illness so my children would not have the stigma of having a " mum who is nuts". Stigma or the fear of being cast a social leper is one of the reasons perhaps parents who may have a metal illness remain professionally untreated and resort self medicating behaviour such as booze, violence , narcasstic behaviours. Most of the above are defensive behaviours that stem form fear , fear of being exposed as dysfunctional or a soical leper. Guilt drive you to do more of the above frustration becomes the factor which drives the anger and hateful verbal assalts. It becomes a circle which goes around and around.Often you are awae you are doing it but you can stop it.Rather than suffer the Label of being mentally ill many suffer in silence and cause great distruction no only to themselves but also to their innoncent children.
My advice to suffering children is this get

1.seek help from a good counsellor some-one who is not emotionally involved. This will give you strength and may help begin your process of healing.

2.Remember you are the victim in all this. Remember it is not your parent talking often it is the evil of the illness in some cases that is.

3. Stop the cycle of toxic behaviour. This may mean limiting contact. If you are getting harrassing phone calls think about changing your number and supply an email contact instead. Or insist that you will only talk to the person on a particular day FOr example say Mum I can't talk now , but I will love to catch up with you on day... at blah blah time .That is our catch up time. BE firm do not engage in the consversation and repeat the phrase if necessary and hang up.
I have learnt the above the hard way. Just remember that it is the illness talking and by limiting exposure to the illness helps you to preserve yourself.You can still be a loving child without having to be at the illnesses beck and call.Self preservation is important. Often you cannot not fight the illness but you can protect yourself.
OFten a written letter is a good way of expressing things .YOU can still be supportive to a family member withou shutting them out totally.Even in the craziest of moments my sister would pull out my letters and read them in the middle of the paronoia I have learned sometimes when dealing with a family member Strength is to stand alone.

4. In the case of some mental illnesses do not give money no matter what the excuse is, or how convincing you parent/other may be.You cash often goes on non- prescribed medicine like booze drugs or in some cases as in some of my families case poker/slot machines.

5. How I have explained mental illness of grandma to my kids is that Gradmas brain works a little bit different from the way your brain does. This might make her do and say funny angry or not nice things. Gradmas still loves you and is not a bad person she does not meant it and can not help the things she does.
Grandma still loves you in her heart but her brain will not let her show it. Maybe if you show grandma your smile it might wake up her heart and trick her brain into being nice.
I hope this has helped some as I know it is tough road you go down on I have been there. Your posts have helped reminded me not only as a child with a mentally ill parent but how important it is for me as a mentally ill parent to accept my condition and to acknowledge and own my own behaviour.
With the help of many professionals there may be a hope That I can break this cylce and my children will be spared some of the emotional pain a lot have innocently endured.I may have been unlucky with some inherited Genes but I have also inherited the resiliance Gene so the battle is one, I did not intend to be fighting it one both sides of the fence though. Strength hope love and courage to all.

This is a forum to discuss (1.) Coping with a parent and their ageing process. (2.) Managing and Coping with mental illness in a parent and their Ageing. (3.) The associated Feelings, Emotions, you experience and Strategies you find helpful in managing your experience and your parents situation. (4) Coping and managing health systems, gaining access to treatment services for a parent.

Rules summary

This forum is managed by NNAAMI and is for discussing with others What its Really Like.
- Do not use any identification apart from your age,state or country.
- only use first name / user name, Remember dangerous people follow innocent young people using the internet.
- You can reply to others on this board and comment on others remarks.
- Please respect others feelings and views and support each other.

View the full set of rules.

Best wishes,
John
Forum Moderator.

* Your fears, concerns, emotions, 
* How you cope with a parent with mental illness
* How you cope best with mental illness,  and or,
* How you cope best as a parent.
* The affect you feel your mental illness has had on your children,
* How you cope, what works for you.
* How you instil hope in your kids.
* How you provide for your children and for your children