Written by Bella   

Hi Paul,

Thank you for discussing my issues with my mother with me.

I know I am a bit late posting, but here it is.

I have had a lot going on, hence the lateness.

To make a long story short, I am 31, I have a beautiful 10 year old daughter, and live on my own with her. I have been single for quite some time now just concentrating on having a balanced life for myself and my daughter.

I grew up with my mother and two sisters, one a year older and one a year younger. I had a medical condition from birth and had 14 operations by the time I was 9 years old (I have now had 17) and was in and out of hospital all the time (well at least once a year for surgery and a couple for tests). I remember my mother bashed me nearly every day (pulled my hair, hit my head against the wall/floor, hitting me and biting me where she would leave bite bruise marks on my arms and I would go to school with a skivvy under my dress uniform so no one would see the bruises, in summer mind you). She also called me STUPID all the time, and I believed her I suppose because her brainwashing was successful, because I was so young. I will never forget she also told me I would never be sexy!

These things are what I remember. She did kick me out and my two sisters in our early teen years (I was about 13). And we all have basically lived out of home since then. I tried going back a couple of times, but it did not work.

I finished my schooling whilst living in different refuges for homeless youth, and also had two major operations one at 17 and one at 18.

I went to year 10 at school. Then I worked til I was seventeen then I went and did year 11 and 12 in one year.

Anyway, I got on with my life as best I could, I had my daughter at 21 and that changed my life, I thought she was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

I have had instability in my schooling because of my upbringing, and in my work, because unfortunately a lot of people have been bias on my medical condition. But I have dealt with that so it is not so obvious. I have been at a current job now for two months and hope it works out, as I really like the job and the people I work with, I have managed to work in legal and have consistency in that since I finished my schooling. I am working in commercial law at moment.

So the reason I give you the rundown is that I have a lot going on in my life, I am 31 with my daughter, and a great new job, which I really like, and stability. But my mother keeps dumping herself on my doorstep with no where to live because she has a mental illness and obviously attracts the wrong sort of problems and can't stay living there, and is homeless and expects to live with me. I tried helping her out and she was staying with me and my daughter but I found out she called my daughter names and swore at her and pushed her into the table, and I noticed my mother was nagging my daughter a lot.

Even my mother will put my daughter down to my face. I can't believe it. For these reasons I told mum it was not working out and it was best she left and I told her why it wasn't working out.

Since she left she got into my unit, I accidentally left my bathroom window open, stole my new pair of swimmers for swimming training and left a very nasty note on my table. This did not stop me from going swimming training. I went and got the pair of swimmers out of the bin (my old pair I threw out) and wore them. I was determined not to let her ruin my life. I have been swimming training four (4) nights a week in a squad, and I really enjoy it.

Anyway, I have two choices, don't let her win and don't move and make sure our windows are locked before we go out.

Or move into a unit in a security block.

If anyone has any advise I would appreciate it.

This is the first time I have openly talked to anyone about the above problems with my mother.

Thanks for listening :)