Written by Melanie Buren   


I often think, I'm scared to live; yet I'm even scared to die.‚

I'm terrified of happiness, and I really don't know why.‚

I'm scared of failure, and success;‚ both my responsibility:,

But it means you take a chance in life - and that's not safe for me!

I'm afraid to feel my feelings, just why, I'll never know.‚

You see, I gave up feeling, so very long ago.

Childhood is for memories, of good times that you've had.‚

Then how come I don't feel that...was it really all that bad? ‚

Home was filled with messages, unspoken, yet so clear;

that "sometimes you get in our way, and we wish that you weren't here!".

WHY mom and dad, please tell me.‚ What ever did I do?‚

Oh, it's ALL my fault, I know it...I know you think it too!‚

I talk, and you don't listen.‚ You act like you can't hear. ‚

Your‚ thoughts are more important; you've made that quite, quite clear.‚

Do you even love me?‚ I don't know how to tell;

because it's hard to feel the love at all, in the midst of living hell!

I'm scared, confused, and lonely, and yet I can't tell you; ‚

because you think I'm strong and brave - Oh, if you only‚ knew!‚

But no one knows my secrets, and I'll never tell a soul,

because I've taken them, and buried them,

and concealed that deep dark hole.‚

Painful, buried, feelings; the key to finding me.‚ By facing them, then letting go,

I truly could be free.‚

I know just where to find them, and I know that they're still there

- But it's hard to dig up memories...when you really JUST DON'T CARE.

Melanie Buren

( Melanie states – “My father and my mother had mental illness as well as other family members.

My father was also a violent alcoholic, and as a result of experiencing his behaviour

I developed self abusive behaviour depression and an eating disorder. “

“ self-abuse was used not only as punishment for existing,

but also as a way to override the internal pain that consumed me.” )